


Who's Your Daddy?

by addyrobin, ch3rryshortcake



Series: Mistakes Were Made [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5980960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addyrobin/pseuds/addyrobin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch3rryshortcake/pseuds/ch3rryshortcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian and Bull learn some important distinctions and additional dangers at family dinners.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who's Your Daddy?

**Author's Note:**

> This was not intended to become a series. But as we continue to message each other with 'what ifs', we will continue to write more mistakes that Dorian, Iron Bull, and Halward will regret. This one was based on some post seen around somewhere. Can't quite remember where.

It was only a month after their last dinner disaster that the Pavus family invited Dorian and reluctantly, the Iron Bull over for dinner once again. Halward, after making Dorian swear at least twelve times that he would never make any mention of pie for dessert again, had calmed down somewhat, enough that he was able to make some form of civil conversation.  
  
The Bull had to admit, when Halward wasn't being...well, a horrible person, he wasn't the worst guy to have a conversation with. As long as he avoided topics like the Qun and the whole of Tevinter, Dorian's father seemed content to speak with him like a person instead of an animal. It was a large step up from their first few meetings.  
  
"And that’s why we don’t kill beetles anymore," Bull, finishing up a story of a job he'd had with the Chargers, beamed at Dorian and then looked at Halward. "Pretty crazy, huh?"  
  
"That's a word for it," Halward hummed, sparing a glance at Dorian as well before taking another bite of his food. "It reminds me of something a friend of mine did once, actually. Years ago..."  
  
"Oh?" Bull smiled. "Do tell!"

 Dorian sighed loudly and tried not to roll his eyes, knowing his father was going to proceed to tell a long and draining story, that he'd think was hilarious in Tevinter fashion while in reality it was nothing more than a snore, and they'd all have to pretend he was the funniest man to ever walk the earth and laugh. It wasn’t what he really was in the mood for, so he cleared his throat, attempting to interrupt. "Oh, Bull I don't think my father wants to go about his friend now do you? Why don’t you tell us another one of your fascinating Chargers’ stories."  
  
Aquinea Pavus, his mother, gently swiped at Dorian, scoldingly.  
  
"Dorian, let your father tell his story.”  


Bull chuckled under his breath and nudged Dorian with his foot beneath the table. "Yeah, Dorian, it's fine. I love swapping stories!" He winked at Dorian as best he could, and Aquinea stared at them both but shook her head.

 “Go on, Halward,” she said, taking a bite of her food as Halward began to launch into his tale...  
  
...which, as Dorian had predicted, was horribly unfunny and slow, with no clear end in sight. Bull found himself paying no attention at all to what Halward was saying halfway through the story, zoning out and nodding his head once in a while to appear interested. Dorian had a look that clearly said ‘I told you so’ on his face but continued to eat in silence, tuning his father out as he spoke.  
  
"I asked him, 'Well, where is the paper, then?' And he directed me to his office. But there was still no paper, can you believe that?" Halward paused briefly for approval, smiling when Bull nodded and made some vague noise of acknowledgement. "So, I decide to take the stairs down to the other floor..."

 Dorian let his mind wander, wondering what Bull's plans would be for him after dinner. He always was extra eager after spending a dreadful hour of listening to Halward at dinner, and Bull was no different.  
  
He reached beneath the table, fingers running over Bull's muscular thigh and gave him a little squeeze.  
  
"Mhm...outstanding." Dorian added, glancing at Bull with a little smirk. Bull pressed his thigh up against Dorian’s hand, even more distracted if that were at all possible. Bull could practically feel the want radiating off of Dorian, and he couldn't stop thinking about all the things he wanted to do to Dorian after dinner, as Halward continued to drone on...  
  
...when he finally finished, Bull felt like he'd been told the start of a joke that had no punch line, Halward laughing brightly as Bull simply smiled and nodded.  
  
"Anyhow! Now you see, everyone came out of it alright." Halward smiled, taking a bite of his food now that he was done speaking.  
  
“Yep. Good story, Mr. Pavus,” Bull said politely, ignoring Dorian’s pointed stare for Bull not to continue encouraging him. He was more than glad for his father to be done with the story, still working his way through his meal. As he ate though, he realized that without his father keeping his senses occupied that he found the dish to be a bit bland. He glanced up to seek out the salt, seeing that it was on the other side of the table between his father and Bull, too far for him to reach across.  
  
"Oh daddy, could you pass me the salt?" He said, giving Bull's knee another gentle squeeze as he spoke.

 "Of course, Dorian."  
  
"Sure thing, kadan."  
  
Bull and Halward's hands collided in the middle of the table, both hovering over the salt shaker as Halward stared in horror at Bull. There were a few moments of deafening silence as all realized what had just been said. Bull started stammering in a failed attempt to backpedal as Halward jerked to his feet, pointing in disbelief at Bull.  
  
"How _DARE_ you!!"  
  
"Mister Pavus, I can explain--"  
  
"I don't require an explanation from you, _Qunari,_ I know exactly what you're up to!! How dare you poison my son?!"  
  
"Listen, it's really not--"  
  
"I have used google before and discovered your...your disgusting activities, I have no desire to do so with this!!" Halward looked to Dorian, red in the face and getting angrier with each passing second. " _Dorian._.."

 "Dadd-- _Father_ ! It's not what you're thinking!" Dorian rose to his feet, trying to defuse the situation before it became any worse. "Bull clearly heard incorrectly. Surely. Right _Bull_ ?" He said, placing his hand on Bull's shoulder, digging his fingers into it.  
  
Aquinea just shook her head disappointedly. "If I didn't know better I would say you were trying to give your father a heart attack, Dorian? His poor weak heart can't handle things like this anymore. Goodness, he walks across the room and he is out of breath." She said, reaching across for the salt and setting it in front of Dorian.

 " _Hush_ , Aquinea," Halward hissed, glaring at his wife. "It isn't _my_ fault you raised a _godless heathen_ of a child!"  
  
"Hey, hey, let's not get crazy, Dorian's right," Bull choked out, Dorian's death grip spurring him on. "'Daddy' just sounds a lot like my old title under the Qun, really! Just an innocent mistake!"  
  
Halward gave them both a wilting stare. "Really. That's the best you can come up with."  
  
"It's the _truth_ !"  
  
Halward sank back into his chair, still staring at Dorian tiredly. "You have your salt, Dorian."

 Dorian sat down, silently salting his food. He glanced up underneath his lashes at his father, raising his fork to his mouth.  
  
"Thank you, daddy." He grinned.  
  
Aquinea sat up, reached across and gently popped Dorian upside his head. Bull snorted, ignoring the glare that Dorian gave him.  
  
"You're welcome, now hush, Dorian. Eat your dinner. I made pie for dessert." She grinned wickedly, glancing sideways at her husband.

 Bull couldn't hold back his laughter at Aquinea's last comment, grinning even harder when Halward paled and pushed his plate away.  
  
"Suddenly I'm feeling...quite full." He looked at his wife flatly, ignoring Dorian and Bull entirely. "Perhaps we can pass on dessert."

Aquinea’s grin didn’t falter as she took the salt back from Dorian, sprinkling it on her food. “Whatever you say, dear.”

**Author's Note:**

> A note from ch3rryshortcake's cat, Eponine, who keeps stepping on my keyboard while we are trying to write in an attempt to assist us:
> 
> ytdazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs
> 
> Thanks for reading!! We really appreciate it as always!


End file.
